2-double 0-6

Happy f'ing new year guys!!!
I hope you all party like it's 1999 and be safe!

And I'll see YOU on the flip side...

Gold is the New Black

Watching the game last night, did anyone else see Moulaye in his sweet gold robe? The LJW identified it as a "kaftan" which I believe in Mandingo, one of the languages spoken in his native Senegal (look it up), translates to "pulling all the white trim I want." Where do you find shoes to match something like that?

HARDCORE!

Alright, I know I've just been posting a bunch of links, but I just can't resist. I thought I knew hardcore before I saw this video, but I was wrong. This is how everyone should have to ask another to prom. I think it would be a better world, and we could dance and dance and dance and dance and dance.

Enjoy: Hardcore prom vid

(not that kind of hardcore!)

Rasslin'

Check out this sweet badass. Could this be a glimpse into the future for someone we know?? (josh)

Vid link

the chronic

WHAT? cles of Narnia. If you didn't see the SNL tonite you're missing out. Andy Sandberg (the new guy) and Chris Parnell had a rap entitled "Lazy Sunday". I could try and explain it, but you should just see it. "Snack attack mother fucker!!!"

Update!!: I finally found a link to it as a video file, enjoy.

"Lazy Sunday"

Holiday Cheer

Is there anything better than the holiday office party? I am sitting here in a world of hurt, reeking of gin, trying not to puke on my keyboard. But we had fun, damnit. Is there any better way to spend an evening drinking ten dollar cocktails and eating steak on the company dime? Sure we did the hokey gift exchange, and played a game of charades, but that was offset by the excellent wait staff who never let my wine glass become less than half full. The worst part about the holiday office party? Going to work the next morning and facing your other colleagues who were a bit more restrained in their celebrating than I was. The stories they tell are blasphemy, I'm sure. Allegedly I become a bit of a flirt when I drink. That's always worth a few odd looks in the morning. (Hey Liza, give me a call, we should hang out sometime.)

Ali, the coolest mutherfucker I work with in the style of George Clooney, and I rocked it long long after our other coworkers had gone home. Here's a mental picture for you as described to me by my boss in an email this morning: Ali and I were step dancing with a group of Howard University students outside the MCI Center in downtown DC trying to catch a cab, in the rain, at one in the morning. Of course, I reminded my boss that her and I had been swing dancing in the middle of the bar moments earlier. That's the kind of dirt that will get you a promotion. Happy Holidays to all and happy drinking.

Anyone got any Pepto?

Loyal Royal

In all of my loyal Royal dorkatudes I have found this site to sink my Royals gossip dorkness into.

http://www.thepinetarrag.com

I don't know if its the best site to get your Royals gossip from, but really if anyone else but me cares you'll just deal with it or find something else.

Scott, Royals fan because . . . George Brett is my childhood hero.

Yummy

From the people who brought you the 1st and 2nd annual Peeps Challenge comes one of the greatest events in the history of bad ideas. The 1st annual Egg Nog Challenge!!! Its just in the development stages right now. Who's with me?

Right

Just a note. I got back from West this morning and thought, damn its freaking cold. I checked the weather channel (because you can always trust the weather channel) and it was -10 degrees. Just so you know that is FUCKING cold, really FUCKING COLD. That is all, thank you and goodnight.

Just so you know how bad it sucks here...

Jersey sucks. Philly sucks balls. The northeastern part of the country sucks. Here's why:



Please god, say she's an escort so that the world makes sense and I won't firmly believe that size MUST matter, be it his bank account or wang.

Has anyone seen Joey Buttafuco? I'm sure I mispelled the fuck out of that.


T 2 the double D

Sweeeeezy!!!

Alright, so back to my amazing 2 or 3 something in the morning posts. I've got a flickr page with some photos on its. Some of the photos are viewable through the blog, but the new ones are not. I'll try and keep up with updating the photos every so often, but no promises.

Scottomatic

P.S. If you didn't watch The Office today you are missing out, Turkey!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/awesomescott/

Peanut Butter Jelly With A Baseball Bat!

Just in case anyone missed The Family Guy last week, you must see the clip of Brian singing It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time to Peter just to cheer him up. Should we all be so lucky to have friends like that.

(Yeah, two posts in a row. Not a shit ton getting done at work today, huh?)

Turn left in 500 feet... fool!

Not that I can afford my own personal in-dash navigation system anytime soon, but when that day comes, I will be certain to let Mr. T guide the way...

California company NavTones has contracted with Mr. T and the actors Burt Reynolds and Dennis Hopper to record voices that can be loaded into navigation systems, giving your driving directions a little extra personality. [...]

Where the typical navigation system says "You have reached your
destination," Mr.T's voice follows that with: "What is that? That's where you were going? Oh, man. You wasted my time!"

So here's the question. If you could have any voice instruct you as your dumbass drives around in circles, who would it bee? Mr. T? Chuck Norris? StrongBad? Ashlee Simpson (only if she sang)?

Exercise your First Amendment right and comment now...

Happy Thanksgiving

A very warm happy Thanksgiving from a very COLD part of the country. When we ran out of room to store food in the fridge at my sister's here in Minnesota, we just started setting things out on the deck. The single digit tempatures has kept everything nice and cool. I know I called you, but Happy Birthday Josh. One-quarter of a century down, three more to go, ya' old bastard. I hope everyone's travels are safe and your food magnifique.

Konichiwa BITCHES

No, Erika, I hadn't yet received my Origami Jayhawk, otherwise I'd definitely would have won that contest. I have been slacking in posting pictures of the Flying Jayhawk, but here's a good one in the land of my birth, Okinawa.
For the record, the statue is one of two Shi Shi (or Shi Sha, depending on who you talk to) dogs. Okinawans, which are their own ethnicity, put the two of them at the entrances to their homes. One's mouth is open to frighten evil spirits away, the other's closed to keep good spirits in. Of course, with a Jayhawk perched on top, Mizzou best keep their fucking distance, lest in the immortal words of Mr. Miyagi: "walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk Lawrence, sooner or later SQUISH; just like grape. " Or Sam Houston, for that matter.

Practice makes perfect!

Hey guys,
Just in case you need the practice, I found a website for you! Orgasm Girl!
Remember don't wake her up!
(And let me know if you could make her come, I couldn't!! -but I gave up pretty easy too-)
Have fun...

Damn Right

So, during the KU vs. Pitt State game they showed a couple of guys in the student section with some weird yellow "things" hanging off of their front sides. I thought it sort of weird at first before I realized what they were. Fast forward to when I realized what they were wearing. They were offering an homage to the old scoreboard with the amazing light display. They were wearing dancing nacho costumes. That is FUCKING AWESOME. Respect for the old school. Nacho Nacho Nacho Nacho Nacho Nacho Nacho Nacho, fall down, CHEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!! The bad part is that the commentators had no freaking clue what was going on, but still decided to comment on their costumes, those rat bastards. They were so out of their league. If one person knows what I'm ranting about its Coooooooooooz.

Origami Jayhawks

This may be a little late, but did you guys get your 'Origami Jayhawks' and send in a picture???
You know I'm a dork and did!!

Peace bitches!

HA HA (you know like Nelson from the Simpsons)

In awesome Ha Ha news Misery (or Missouri to some folk) lost to Sam Houston State 80-77, at home no less. Also it has been announced that Bill Snyder is retiring at the end of this season. That is all for now in Ha Ha news.

Blues Who?

The question is, will you still care that the Blues suck if Sid Crosby and the Pens are in KC by 2007?

The issue percolated again this week, when officials representing a new downtown arena in Kansas City, a group that includes Los Angeles Kings president Tim Leiweke, reiterated their desire to have an NHL team as their anchor tenant.

Specifically, Anschutz Entertainment Group would like to have Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins come to Kansas City when their new building opens in fall 2007. The Penguins play in the NHL's oldest building, the Mellon Arena, and the team has been embroiled in a lengthy battle with city and state officials over funding for a new arena that will be crucial to the team's future in Pittsburgh.

Discuss...

Chuck Norris

FACT

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

Respect

April 9, 2006

All I know is that I must some how be there. I'm not sure how yet, but I must be there.

Seriously? Let's go drinking!

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Sarah Elizabeth Rappaport

Saturday was a pretty exciting day. Prior to KU's historic victory over the Nebraska Cornhuskers, I became an uncle! My big sister Liz and her husbend Matt had thier first child, Sarah Elizabeth Rappaport. I know that one new kid may not be all that exciting for some, especially compared to the Gardner clan (they have a new kid like, what, every other week?), but I was pretty excited. She's a little peanut, only 5 lbs. 4oz., but I hear she can cry with the best of them.

Give Me An Ooooohhh YEAHRIGHTTHEREYESYESYES!

Fellas, in case you were ever wondering why there are extraordanry long lines coming out of the ladies room every night at the bar, it seems there is an answer. While you are wasting your time and money on buying drinks for girls, some ladies will, a-hem, cut out the middle man in the third stall from the left. Exactly. Cheerleaders? Bullshit. Right? Woha. Here's the version on espn.com's Daily Quickie. Although, in the light of one of life's harshests realities, the mug shot, I have to say Josh's team. Didn't they learn anything from Tom DeLay? No matter what they got on you, smile in that mug shot like you just won a free trip to the Sizzler.

Blues need a clue

Can someone explain to me who these 'St. Louis Blues' people are???
Holy shit. I've seen them be bad, but this is insane.

Team	W-L-OTL-SOL	PTS
Detroit	12-1-1-0	25
Nashville	8-2-2-0	18
Chicago	4-9-0-0	8
Columbus	4-10-0-0	8
St. Louis	2-7-3-1	7

Stupid Stupid French People

First they can't fight wars and now they can't even set people on fire right.

AUBERVILLIERS, France - Marauding youths set fire to cars, warehouses and a
nursery school and pelted rescuers with rocks early Saturday, as the worst
rioting in a decade spread from Paris to other French cities. The U.S.
warned Americans against taking trains to the airport via strife-torn
areas.
A savage assault on a bus passenger highlighted the dangers of
travel in Paris' impoverished outlying neighborhoods, where the violence
has entered its second week.
Attackers doused the woman, in her 50s and on crutches,
with an nonflammable liquid and set her afire as she tried
to get off a bus in the suburb of Sevran Wednesday, judicial officials
said. The bus had been forced to stop because of burning objects in its
path. She was rescued by the driver and hospitalized with severe burns.

Someone tell me why we haven't invaded France yet? I think they would be a good pre war warm-up for the next oil rich country we invade. I guess these kids never attended the Flipmode School of "Setting Shit on Fire"

BEEF CURTAINS

I never thought i'd find this. . . . ever.

http://www.mcphee.com/items/11132.html

And for something completely different. The Royals were so terrible in '05 that none of their terrible plays, otherwise called bloopers, were nominated for blooper of the year on mlb.com. How bad do you have to feel when almost weekly you had horrible "bloopers" and not even one was nominated for blooper of the year.

Can't take one minute more

I made it home after only one Schooner (and a pint). I'm as shocked as you are. I wanted to take this opportunity to plug my new favorite band Gil. It is made up by a number of rockin lads from the homeland. Rock. Check 'em out here. Rumor has it they are in the process of recording a new album. I'll keep you abreast of any developments 'cause I'm sure you all want to support the local music scene (wherever you may be).

Games 2 thru 4 Hawktoberfest 2005

So here's the thing. I was planning on keeping a updated running diary throughout the weekend, but I've been a bit busy. So I apologize to all of those who have been checking back and have been met with dissapointment. I plan on making it up to you by condensing the entire thing in one post with a few illustrations to help with the commentary. Nearly two hundred photos capturing all the action have been posted in albums to the right. When we left off, some friends were coming over to hang out... (traveling back in time wavy picture and sound effects)

Game 2 Hawktoberfest 2005

Kristen, Josh, Tyler, Renee, Nick and Scotty at West

You will notice a recurring theme throughout the weekend of just how much time was spent at the place Josh affectionately calls "home": Louise's West. Friday evening was spent at this hallowed hall of cheap Schooners brimming with Boulevard with friends old (Ty and Renee), older (Kristen and Christina) and new (Tinker Bell). I'm not sure what it is about this place that draws you in, but we had planned to stop by, grab a drink, then head down town. Needless to say, that didn't happen. A number of hours and a few Schooners later, it was time for West to close, but it's patrons weren't ready to go to bed. Afterhours followed us home and resulted in a Lisa Lobe sing-along that lasted until nearly 4am. Alas it was time to pass out as kickoff was a mere eight hours away...

Game 3 Hawktoberfest 2005 -- Gameday

Afer a long night of drinking, we all know the best way to quickly recover in time to make a noon kickoff. Screwdrivers for breakfast. We headed over to the stadium around eleven to make sure we were there in time for the pregame festivities.

Renee getting ready to sing the alma matter

The annual ass-whooping of the Mizzou football team soon followed on one of the most beautiful days I have seen for a while (Question: who would be interested in purchasing a blue shirt that says "Rock Out With Your Chalk Out"?) . After the game it was time to get ready for the Halloween party at Ben and Sally's new house in KCMO. The party was a blast and featured a variety costumes ranging from Jesus Christ to Paris Hilton.

Teen Wolf, Brick from Anchorman and Magnum, P.I.

The combo of costumes and booze resulted in some debaucherous behavior that is too racy to retell, especially in a family environment like the internet. (But the pictures are there, so feel free to make up your own story). We rocked the night away and played with the fog machine until I thought I was going to choke. Turns out that abusing a fog machine indoors tends to set off the smoke detector. What happened to that thing anyway? Oh well, it was time to change the battery anyway.

When fog machines attack
Josh, Renee, Ryan Benton, Nick, Scotty and Tyler (I think)

Game 4 Hawktoberfest 2005

Saturday took its toll on the entire crew. I have acquired a head cold and needed some sleep. Poor Scotty had to go to work so Josh, Charles and I met up with Mike and Erin at McGees to watch the Chiefs (Suck!). Later that evening we went to West to have "one" Schooner.

What is he smiling at?

I know it's predictible, we ended up having three and staying till close. I blame the dinosaur.

That's all I have for now. I have to fly home in the morning and Josh has to go back to work. But I think we'll stop by West for one more Schooner.

Upgrade

I have just undergone a boner upgrade from mega-boner to optimus prime-boner.

Everyone prepare for the flood of 2005.

Thanks fellas!

*YaY!!!*

Thanks for the invite guys... I hope to be as riveting as you all have been at posting for the Franks!

Game 1 Hawktoberfest 2005

Jesus that was ugly, and we have the pictures to prove it. My first night back in Larryville can only be deemed a success. Completely wasted and I spent, like, seven bucks. (thanks Chris!) Once I get changed out of the clothes I've been wearing since yesterday afternoon, its time for some Jefferson's wings (for no other reason that the waitress will be hot. Sup, File, how you doin'?) So here's the thing. Game 2 of Hawktoberfest is going down tonight. If you are within any sort of reasonable proximity to L-town tonight you need to be here. Hotel Scotty and Josh will be filled near to capacity but there will be room next to me on the futon (no dudes, you can sleep next to Tyler). Hope to see you all tonight! If you can't make it, enjoy the pictures and know we are thinking of you. Just know that no matter how it may look, Josh was enjoying it the entire time.

Just postin' for the post of it

Astros or White Sox, who's your team?

yeah

I went to Neon tonite at the Granada, had a few double wiskey cokes, danced a bit and oh yeah saw Claudio Sanchez for all of you that know who that is. Yes i'm a dork, but we all knew that already

Thank God its Back!!!

Lets Go Blues!!!

Flaming Spice Rack Jumping

Me jumping a flaming spice rack with a glass of wine.

Shelley and Simon ROCKING HARD!!!!!

Alright, I know I just posted Scott's picture website just minutes ago but I HAVE to post this picture because its so AWESOME.

Awesome

Check out this awesome picture of me.

More McSweeneys

In the big inning, God created Heaven on Earth. And it was without form, and void. God separated the dirt from the grass. He called the grass Outfield and the dirt He called Infield. God made the Infield a 90-foot square and the Outfield not less than 400 feet to center and 320 feet down the lines. He declared this Fair Territory. All other territory, God then declared, was Foul.

Sorry, but the link won't work for some reason, so just go to mcsweeneys.net archives and search for "Opening Day Genesis" by Glen Birkemeier

Walken 2008

Check it out:


http://www.walken2008.com/

For all the KU folk

Just some recent updates for you all that don't get a KU report on important (but usually useless) stuff in the paper. Brandon Rush has enrolled at KU but as of now hasn't gotten cleared by the NCAA clearing house as eligible to play, yet. Supposedly the decision is to be announced today, but i've heard that for the past week. On the football side of things Adam Barmann has been named the starting quarterback for saturday's game against Florida Atlantic University. Oddly enough Matt Doherty and Rex Walters work for FAU. Now for the downer. Max Falkenstein announced that after this season of sports that he will retire. I can't imagine listening to KU football or basketball without him. Here's to a legend. For those of you Max's about to retire, I salute you. (yeah its cheeeeesy, but its also 3:26 am)

Just for an update, Rush was ok'd by the clearinghouse friday.

I'll waste more of your time

Check this site out:

http://mcsweeneys.net

I especially like "A Realistic Assessment of How Many 12-Year-Olds I Could Beat Up Before They Overtook Me." By Matt Schweiger
and
"What I Would Be Thinking About If I Were Billy Joel Driving Toward a Christmas Party Where I Knew There Was Going to Be a Piano" By Michael Ian Black

Thats how I roll...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v666/c17flyingjayhawk/IMG_0552.jpg

If you challenge "Busta" Rapp in a drinking contest consisting of shots (2 Jagers, Wild Turkey, Jack and one "Swedish Fish" I bought whilst trying to take a chick home), two 7&7s, one Red Bull and Vodka, an Irish Car Bomb and 6 pints of Blue Moon, you'd better be able to reap what you sow...



Jay's crop is screwed come first frost.

My dork goes to 11!!!

I know many ways to get less respect from people, especially ladies, but I don't even have to open my mouth with this.

I can't believe it's not panda...

In case you haven't heard, there is another baby panda at the National Zoo. In concert with the Chinese government, the Zoo is allowing the public to vote on a name for the bundle of fur for the first time in the history of the panda exchange program.

Following the pattern of most "democratic" elections in this country, the people have been given a severely limited number of options and forced to vote for the one they dislike the least. In other words, the panda name choices suck. I thought Ike Turner would be an appropriate name, but no one listens to me.

Rejoice fellow citizens, because in the 21st century, elections are no longer rigged by the power-hungry party elite. They are rigged by people on the internet. Currently there is a grassroots movement afoot in cyberspace to reclaim the people's naming rights to the offspring of bears from other countries. And they shall call him...

Butterstick!

Yes, there are some people who have allegedly hacked into the National Zoo's Panda-Naming Matrix (NZPNM) and claim to be able to submit legitimate votes for the name Butterstick. I am unsure of their actual abilities, but that's too fucking funny not to try. So go my countryman and

Vote for Butterstick!

Homecoming

Hey, just to let you all know I will be coming back to Larryville for a few days at the end of October to booze, see all my peoples, booze, catch a football game, and booze. If there's time, maybe squeeze a little drinking in. I'm getting in the evening of Thursday the 27th and leaving Tuesday Nov. 1st. I'm hoping to get tickets to the KU-MU homecoming game on Saturday. So let Josh or myself know if you are interested in going. Hope to see all of you there!

-Nick

Lucky 13

Yeah, alright, go royals. Hmm, i knew they could do it. A bakers dozen straight losses. Super Duper!!

God they suck, hard.

Doing the Skankin' Pickle in the East Wing

Just in case you didn't see Jack working it on the Daily Show, thought I would share the love. The kid LOOOVES to DANCE!

Try it again sam...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v666/c17flyingjayhawk/IMG_0075.jpg

Taliban Stan Land

C-17 Flying Jayhawk, literally... Flew to Afghanistan this weekend, brought along a friend. Wave the...weed? Thought it'd make a cool picture with Afghanistan Mountains in the background. Was told if I went any further I'd have to "...watch my step, if you know what I mean Lt." Thanks for the tip.

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v666/c17flyingjayhawk/IMG_0075.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v666/c17flyingjayhawk/IMG_0073.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v666/c17flyingjayhawk/IMG_0096.jpg[/IMG]

Allow me to waste 15 seconds of your time

Check it out, aw yeah!!

http://gettothechopper.ytmnd.com/

Oh, and one other thing. Remember the show Growing Pains that used to be on. Mike Seaver's best friend's nickname was Boner. That is funny.

Speaking of Ninjas

I'm sure everyone has seen this, but felt it was fitting enough to throw the site in here. I especially like the use of Big Pimpin...

http://www.realultimatepower.net/

Ninjas Rock

A variation on a favorite, but with ninjas so it rocks even harder. I would just like Bob Barker to know that I am doing my part to control the kitten population.

Gentlemen, BEHOLD!!

I give you, the Weapon of Mass Distraction. Only the Air Force's finest could have crafted a weapon of this badassitudes. It makes people crap their pants.

Happy F'ing Memorial Day You Bitches

What's up, representing this weekend from the ATL. Just getting drunk with the coolest mother fucker I know. Yup, Chris is holding it down. Idea...who would be down for a trip to Vegas to celebrate Josh/Chris/Nick/Scottie's birthday. I know that Errrika is down, along with her georgous roommate. (Check out Errrika trashed on her birthday www.sunflower.com/~emn ) Classic. So y'all in? And you freeloaders need to start contributing to this shit. Holla!

-Nick

You only thought a dingo ate your baby...

This picture was on the front page of the Post this morning...




Uh, Mr. President, please step away from the child!
MMMMMM...fresh baby!

where were you on the morning of may 5th

Who's been in New Jersey recently, thats right Todd I'm looking in your direction.

http://ws.gmnews.com/news/2005/0510/Front_Page/036.html

I am a robot!!!

Listen to Goldie Looking Chain "Half Man Half Machine"
I think I've been that way a couple times I was wasted.

HMmmmm

Oh, so thats what they do with all the things they confiscate

http://search.ebay.com/NTSA_W0QQfromZR8QQfrtsZ50QQfsooZ1QQfsopZ1

Too Soon

The laughter in the comedy world will fall silent for a moment, while the death of great comedian Mitch Hedberg is mourned. He died early last night in his hotel room of an undisclosed cause. He will be missed "all encompassingly".

Dork Question

Would you rather be Gandolf or Yoda? (not necessarily be them but have one of their powers)

I'm An Intern In New York

I'm An Intern In New York

This guy is kind of funny in a way that I think we can all appreciate. He has a great story about the story of St. Patrick. I guess a little be-lated St. Patty story can still be funny. Besides its always okay to celebrate the life of St. Patrick, even at 9 am by yourself.

This is extreme

Here is one angry bunny video. He also has a monkey friend that he does drive bys with(I like monkeys). Kind of funny. This is the kind of shit you eventually find on the internet when you have been working midnights for too long.

http://mirror.csh.rit.edu/backup/anewbunnyunc.swf

GENTLEMAN! BEHOLD!

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/swflash.html

Laughed my ass off.

wonder showzen

"Don't litter or God will rip off your face . . . and feed it to a goat!!"

This post has been edited, for obvious reasons

This aint no Crustache March! 

Mustache March begins! 

Things Overheard at West...DC Edition

I was bar-hopping with some friends this weekend when we walked past the line of people standing outside of Camelot, a strip club in Dupont Circle. A girl was in line having an animated conversation with her friends when she concluded her story with the following statement:

"and that's coming from the daughter of a preacher! ...until he died, of course."

I just hope there wasn't a train involved in his untimely demise.

Random post

There's a woman that comes into the coffee shop from time to time who until now was just a hot mom. But after today I will think of her in a different way every time she gets coffee. After randomly catching the name on her check she paid for her double vanilla latte with, I realized her name is Dawn Johnson. You know like the guy on Miami Vice, but not a guy. Yeah, random post.

Scotty...would ya?

The sights of New York

Whilst awaiting the beautiful-but-slightly-vacant-at-times-LK in NYC, I found myself face to face with what I thought to be my past. Could this be? Her? Here in New York, eagerly awaiting my to slide into her well worn interior and take her for the ride of her life? To disregard her leakiness, her saggy upper area, her rust colored age spots? Upon closer inspection, I came to realize she in fact was another whom many a man has ridden hard and put away wet; she has proudly taken all the poundings and rough rides they have thrown at her, the asses of him and his friends brought fully to bear on her once luxurious softness.
It couldn't be; Josh rides her now. He treats her with a loving, tender touch only he can; deals with her spitting, her arthritic groans and squeaky joints.



Then I looked past the hooker and saw an S10 Blazer just like the one I sold Josh. What a coincidence!

Oh yeah, while I didn't see this in NY, I thought it fitting since KU is now officially the Sunflower State Champion, seeing as we beet KSU in both major NCAA sports this year. Sorry BG, but I had to post it.

KU's biatch







She has borne them all, and she will bear many more once he is long gone. For she is the Chevy S10 Blazer 4x4, and she is strong.

Most random thing I saw this weekend...

Wish I had the picture to post, but alas, i shall just describe it:

A friend of mine who just got back from a trip to South Africa was showing me some pictures. She had a shot of a road sign that read the following:

"Welcome to Boulders, the best place in the world to make the acquaintance of a penguin."

My only word of advice would be make sure the penguin has had its blood tests before you become too acquainted.

Mathematical equation

The Franks Justify the Beans

Micheal "Scrotum" Intfen + Too much time + Loose jowels +Digital Camera=

Du wonst eine milke...

The Franks Justify the Beans

In my constant quest to have ho's in dfrent area codes, knowing that I shall soon find myself in "Zie Fatherland," I found myself perusing Scandinavian Singles.com. As two-time defending champions in modern conflict, I elected to disregard the metric system by broadening my search to include all listings within 100 miles of Ramstein Air Base to maximize the possibility of finding the perfect Swedish/Swiss/German platinum blonde large-breasted woman. Alas, it was not meant to be. I found no members of the Swedish Bikini Team or Swiss Miss/St Pauli girl. My efforts were not wasted though. In Amsterdam (I think) resides this radiant, European sexually liberated hottie...









Delicious. Needless to say, T 2 the Double D is about to become a Premium Member so he can contact her, at the all time low price of 39.99 (dollars OF COURSE) a month.

Have You Ever Peed On Your Own Hand?

Random remembrance of the day:

Every once in a while I will remember someone that has touched my life, be it life changing or not. Some of these people were very special to me, some not, but they are all connected by the fact that I forgot they even existed… until that one day, like today, I am once again graced by their spirit and for some God-forsaken reason and have thought about them. Today it was DB. Not DB for douche bag, or dumb bitch or even DB for dick biter. No, this special lad was DB for double barrel. That’s right, this man was no mortal single-shooter, but a full-fledged, dual-action, double-ported monster. Yes, the man had two holes in his penis. I encountered this stranger on an odd outing at a state park not too far from Manhattan, KS. On that hot July day I had made extended connections that would make the Pope jealous (P.J.Pizzle Deuce (Get Well Soon!)) I had, in fact, called upon the favor of a friend of a friend and scored a day out on the glistening Tuttle Creek State Park Lake in a gloriously fast and able speedboat. Ladies, beer, skiing and peeing in my pants; could life get better? I submit that it could not. How the subject of twin dick-hole’s came about I may never remember, but alas it did. As any other confused and curious nineteen-year-old male would do, I probed the issue deeper, with increasing awe and amazement. Two fully functional pee-holes, could it really be true? I needed more proof if I was to believe this prophetic claim, but being as un-gay as I am I could not resort to the Josh method of penile exploration (insert grinding noise here). So I asked him to prove the only way I saw fit. With my fist in the air and gravel in my voice I said to him, “BD….. let me see two streams.” With a hop to the starboard and a flick of the wrist, he bared his dimpled ass. A ghastly sight I must say, but the ladies seemed to enjoy it quite so. He turned his head, gave a quick nod and winked at me, I swear to you, just ever so slightly as I watched in amazement. A standard stream of urine could be seen splitting the uprights… as perfect as any could imagine. But there was another, and not of lesser force, golden shower showing itself up and to the left. A perfect 45 degrees from the horizontal; and anyone with a physics background can tell you that is the perfect angle for maximum range.

I think about ole DB once in a while. Usually whilst I am pissing on my own had due to poor nozzle management. I can only imagine the hell DB must have gone through. So in honor of this man, I hope you shall think of DB next time you wet your hand with your own urine.

-- BenJ

YEAH!!!!!!!!!.....WHOOOOO!!!!!

The Franks Justify the Beans

You asked for it. . . you got it.

The Extreme Team.

http://www.class-act.com/mainwebsite%5Fhtml/ca_acts_extreme_team_vid.htm

All it's lacking is the fat chubby guy double-high fiving the other dude center court at Allen Fieldhouse, and Scotty and I turning to each other and doing it immediately afterwards and laughing hung-overly.

Mohawks and Moustaches

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves...









Scott's hair didn't turn out half bad. I, on the other hand, look like a mix between a perverted used car salesman and fat Luigi.

There are more pictures in the right column.

jg

Heather

Its a blog new world...

Fuckin' hularious, all of it. Just a quick shout out from our nations capital. I will never fail to be amazed at how the internet brings people together. Case in point... "The Franks Justify the Beans" is a place for a few mildly inebriated college buddies who are quickly becoming spread across the globe to share drunken stories and bitch about stuff. (yeah, the Miles call stunk worse than Scotty's ass baking cupcakes) But the beauty is, all of this shit is availiable for everyone to see and comment on. Ben, the TV looks GREAT! But if you will all notice, in the comments section of that post our new friend Heather decided to muse about not understanding the male obsession with the female form. She closes her post by wishing "Happy boob hunting to all of you..." I didn't realize how easy she would make it. Click on her name and check out her blog. Turns out Heather is a tall, brunette, 29 yr old dental hygenist who is smokin' hot and on a workout plan. She has posted the following BEFORE picture on her blog:

I can't wait to see the after. God I love the internet...

Dr. Black

Communists

The Franks Justify the Beans

Red Raiders? Sounds Iron Curtain Stalin-esque to me. The Refs? Pinko Commies who wouldn't call foul if a size 11 Regular flight boot was shoved up their ass. They'd like it...

Here's to hoping Booz Cooz didn't break an appendage. But in case he did, I'm sure this is what he'd look like.

Pay Heed all who enter, beware the Todd...

The Franks Justify the Beans
Henceforth, whilst I combat in Halo 2 in the most hellacious of realms betwixt the band of merry drinking debaucherous companions and cowardly lacking-of-man-hair imps, I shall climb up on my faithful Warthog, then I go ride gonna smoke some Grieve, climb up on my BIG ASS Warthog and ride ride riiiiide forth into battle, my torso nestled in the best my Uncle the most noble Sam can provide, specifically the Isratex, Inc. DLA100-91-D-0385 Ground Troops Body Armor/Fragmentation Protective Vest. As I smite down the heathen hairless possessors of a dozen years, atop my crown shall lie the Stemaco Products, Inc. DLA100-88-C-4398 PAS6T Kevlar Helmet, protecting my most endearing smile and luxuriant locks of golden hair with which I woo the Ladies in Waiting.
I prithee you, demon children who lack testicular mass and fortitude, beware the Todd! And now I shall retire to the fortress for a Victory Ale.

Things Overheard at Louise's West

This is almost a direct quote (I had drank a few beers)

Dude #1 "Hey you want to get some blow and play FIFA all night?"

Dude #2 "Yeah, but I have a meeting with my therapist at 10 am."

This has been the first installment of "Things Overheard at Louise's West"

Super Bowl Sunday

This Sunday everyone is invited to the christening of Ben's GYNORMOUS TELEVISION! Starting the day off with some WIDESCREEN Halo 2 action around 3:30, and Super Bowl XXXIX at 5:30, this should be one testosterone drenched day. Some will cheer for the Patriots and others for the Steelers, but of course there can be only one. That's when samurai swords will decide the true victor. But of course one cannot forget about the Ladies. Ben's taking care of that department.

call me for directions or just figure out.
7329 Main St.
Kansas City, MO 64114

raisin smuggler revealed 

Sad?? . . . yes!

After a night of drinking two to three months ago the Booz Kooz and myself found ourselves having a couple of drinks and watching GUTS at 4 in the morning. Prompted by two episodes in a row with female winners we wrote down their names to later Google them in hopes they're now hot, and . . . cut me some slack we were drunk. The sad thing is that today I actually spent about 30 minutes looking for pictures of them, with no way of knowing if they're right or not.



Yes sad

South Jersey...

28 Jan 05: Rolled into Central Jersey around 2145 via the disgustingly-expensive-yet-oh-so-slow-55mph Pennsylvania turnpike (enter G. Love and Special Sauce's I-76 here) after missing 12 exits for Jersey via Phillie. That or Phillie people can't count, because the exit numbers went from 339 to 351. I needed 344. Whatever; 45 minutes, a shout out to my favorite So. Jersey shore residents, two flashes of "the bird" and about 80 right turns to go left, I rolled into my apartment.

29 Jan 05: 2145 Myself and a few boys in blue hit up Phillie; we get a mean vector and roll in hot to the apartment of some friendlies of the female persuasion. Prime real estate, that apartment. It overlooks the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. If that doesn't mean anything to you, rent Rocky... savages. Anyhow, the Matty Hatter Eck and I plan on running the steps under the influence...video to follow. Alas, I digress. Our flight proceeds to an establishment in Old Town phillie with aforementioned friendlies; drinks, of course, are had, I burn my thumb, and make out with one of the friendlies, at the bar and her apartment afterword. Now at our bingo, our flight of four rtbs ( returns to base) and ties the jet down at 0455 local, 30 Jan. Approximate elapsed time from T 2 the double D's arrival in theatre to assault landing troops (ie the Lewis and Clark expeditionary force) into a bare "landing strip?" 28 hours.

Jersey might not be so bad. Phillie, especially come Sunday, seems to be a rocking town.
E!-A!-G!-L!-E!-S! EAGLES!!! Go BIRDS!

T2theDoubleD

"T's Jumbo: Long'n'heavy, slow'n'steady. Where d'ya want it?"

Sat January 22

As you may or may not know, the 23rd is my birthday (JP). The plan is to meet at Old Chicago on 119th and Metcalf around 9 ish. Then we will go where the spirit moves us. Plan to drink alot and alot more. If you need a place to crash I got plenty of room. Send me an email if you want to come or just surprise me! Hope to see you there.

Good Weekend

This was just about the best weekend, um, ever. Josh pulled some strings and landed me some tickets for the Get Up Kids. I went friday night on my birthday, ROCK! Then I scored a ticket for saturday night, ROCK Squared. Then KU comes through and beats Kentucky. It gives me a semi just thinking about it.

New Year's Eve

You asked for it -

Before:



During:







And the aftermath:







For more, check out the picture links in the right column.

Cheers! -G