Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Most random thing I saw this weekend...

Wish I had the picture to post, but alas, i shall just describe it:

A friend of mine who just got back from a trip to South Africa was showing me some pictures. She had a shot of a road sign that read the following:

"Welcome to Boulders, the best place in the world to make the acquaintance of a penguin."

My only word of advice would be make sure the penguin has had its blood tests before you become too acquainted.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Mathematical equation

The Franks Justify the Beans

Micheal "Scrotum" Intfen + Too much time + Loose jowels +Digital Camera=







Du wonst eine milke...

The Franks Justify the Beans

In my constant quest to have ho's in dfrent area codes, knowing that I shall soon find myself in "Zie Fatherland," I found myself perusing Scandinavian Singles.com. As two-time defending champions in modern conflict, I elected to disregard the metric system by broadening my search to include all listings within 100 miles of Ramstein Air Base to maximize the possibility of finding the perfect Swedish/Swiss/German platinum blonde large-breasted woman. Alas, it was not meant to be. I found no members of the Swedish Bikini Team or Swiss Miss/St Pauli girl. My efforts were not wasted though. In Amsterdam (I think) resides this radiant, European sexually liberated hottie...









Delicious. Needless to say, T 2 the Double D is about to become a Premium Member so he can contact her, at the all time low price of 39.99 (dollars OF COURSE) a month.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Have You Ever Peed On Your Own Hand?

Random remembrance of the day:

Every once in a while I will remember someone that has touched my life, be it life changing or not. Some of these people were very special to me, some not, but they are all connected by the fact that I forgot they even existed… until that one day, like today, I am once again graced by their spirit and for some God-forsaken reason and have thought about them. Today it was DB. Not DB for douche bag, or dumb bitch or even DB for dick biter. No, this special lad was DB for double barrel. That’s right, this man was no mortal single-shooter, but a full-fledged, dual-action, double-ported monster. Yes, the man had two holes in his penis. I encountered this stranger on an odd outing at a state park not too far from Manhattan, KS. On that hot July day I had made extended connections that would make the Pope jealous (P.J.Pizzle Deuce (Get Well Soon!)) I had, in fact, called upon the favor of a friend of a friend and scored a day out on the glistening Tuttle Creek State Park Lake in a gloriously fast and able speedboat. Ladies, beer, skiing and peeing in my pants; could life get better? I submit that it could not. How the subject of twin dick-hole’s came about I may never remember, but alas it did. As any other confused and curious nineteen-year-old male would do, I probed the issue deeper, with increasing awe and amazement. Two fully functional pee-holes, could it really be true? I needed more proof if I was to believe this prophetic claim, but being as un-gay as I am I could not resort to the Josh method of penile exploration (insert grinding noise here). So I asked him to prove the only way I saw fit. With my fist in the air and gravel in my voice I said to him, “BD….. let me see two streams.” With a hop to the starboard and a flick of the wrist, he bared his dimpled ass. A ghastly sight I must say, but the ladies seemed to enjoy it quite so. He turned his head, gave a quick nod and winked at me, I swear to you, just ever so slightly as I watched in amazement. A standard stream of urine could be seen splitting the uprights… as perfect as any could imagine. But there was another, and not of lesser force, golden shower showing itself up and to the left. A perfect 45 degrees from the horizontal; and anyone with a physics background can tell you that is the perfect angle for maximum range.

I think about ole DB once in a while. Usually whilst I am pissing on my own had due to poor nozzle management. I can only imagine the hell DB must have gone through. So in honor of this man, I hope you shall think of DB next time you wet your hand with your own urine.

-- BenJ

YEAH!!!!!!!!!.....WHOOOOO!!!!!

The Franks Justify the Beans

You asked for it. . . you got it.

The Extreme Team.





All it's lacking is the fat chubby guy double-high fiving the other dude center court at Allen Fieldhouse, and Scotty and I turning to each other and doing it immediately afterwards and laughing hung-overly.

Mohawks and Moustaches

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves...









Scott's hair didn't turn out half bad. I, on the other hand, look like a mix between a perverted used car salesman and fat Luigi.

There are more pictures in the right column.

jg

Heather

Its a blog new world...

Fuckin' hularious, all of it. Just a quick shout out from our nations capital. I will never fail to be amazed at how the internet brings people together. Case in point... "The Franks Justify the Beans" is a place for a few mildly inebriated college buddies who are quickly becoming spread across the globe to share drunken stories and bitch about stuff. (yeah, the Miles call stunk worse than Scotty's ass baking cupcakes) But the beauty is, all of this shit is availiable for everyone to see and comment on. Ben, the TV looks GREAT! But if you will all notice, in the comments section of that post our new friend Heather decided to muse about not understanding the male obsession with the female form. She closes her post by wishing "Happy boob hunting to all of you..." I didn't realize how easy she would make it. Click on her name and check out her blog. Turns out Heather is a tall, brunette, 29 yr old dental hygenist who is smokin' hot and on a workout plan. She has posted the following BEFORE picture on her blog:

I can't wait to see the after. God I love the internet...

Dr. Black

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Communists

The Franks Justify the Beans

Red Raiders? Sounds Iron Curtain Stalin-esque to me. The Refs? Pinko Commies who wouldn't call foul if a size 11 Regular flight boot was shoved up their ass. They'd like it...

Here's to hoping Booz Cooz didn't break an appendage. But in case he did, I'm sure this is what he'd look like.


Monday, February 14, 2005

Pay Heed all who enter, beware the Todd...

The Franks Justify the Beans
Henceforth, whilst I combat in Halo 2 in the most hellacious of realms betwixt the band of merry drinking debaucherous companions and cowardly lacking-of-man-hair imps, I shall climb up on my faithful Warthog, then I go ride gonna smoke some Grieve, climb up on my BIG ASS Warthog and ride ride riiiiide forth into battle, my torso nestled in the best my Uncle the most noble Sam can provide, specifically the Isratex, Inc. DLA100-91-D-0385 Ground Troops Body Armor/Fragmentation Protective Vest. As I smite down the heathen hairless possessors of a dozen years, atop my crown shall lie the Stemaco Products, Inc. DLA100-88-C-4398 PAS6T Kevlar Helmet, protecting my most endearing smile and luxuriant locks of golden hair with which I woo the Ladies in Waiting.
I prithee you, demon children who lack testicular mass and fortitude, beware the Todd! And now I shall retire to the fortress for a Victory Ale.


Thursday, February 10, 2005

Things Overheard at Louise's West

This is almost a direct quote (I had drank a few beers)

Dude #1 "Hey you want to get some blow and play FIFA all night?"

Dude #2 "Yeah, but I have a meeting with my therapist at 10 am."

This has been the first installment of "Things Overheard at Louise's West"

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Super Bowl Sunday

This Sunday everyone is invited to the christening of Ben's GYNORMOUS TELEVISION! Starting the day off with some WIDESCREEN Halo 2 action around 3:30, and Super Bowl XXXIX at 5:30, this should be one testosterone drenched day. Some will cheer for the Patriots and others for the Steelers, but of course there can be only one. That's when samurai swords will decide the true victor. But of course one cannot forget about the Ladies. Ben's taking care of that department.

call me for directions or just figure out.
7329 Main St.
Kansas City, MO 64114

raisin smuggler revealed Posted by Hello

Sad?? . . . yes!

After a night of drinking two to three months ago the Booz Kooz and myself found ourselves having a couple of drinks and watching GUTS at 4 in the morning. Prompted by two episodes in a row with female winners we wrote down their names to later Google them in hopes they're now hot, and . . . cut me some slack we were drunk. The sad thing is that today I actually spent about 30 minutes looking for pictures of them, with no way of knowing if they're right or not.



Yes sad

South Jersey...

28 Jan 05: Rolled into Central Jersey around 2145 via the disgustingly-expensive-yet-oh-so-slow-55mph Pennsylvania turnpike (enter G. Love and Special Sauce's I-76 here) after missing 12 exits for Jersey via Phillie. That or Phillie people can't count, because the exit numbers went from 339 to 351. I needed 344. Whatever; 45 minutes, a shout out to my favorite So. Jersey shore residents, two flashes of "the bird" and about 80 right turns to go left, I rolled into my apartment.

29 Jan 05: 2145 Myself and a few boys in blue hit up Phillie; we get a mean vector and roll in hot to the apartment of some friendlies of the female persuasion. Prime real estate, that apartment. It overlooks the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. If that doesn't mean anything to you, rent Rocky... savages. Anyhow, the Matty Hatter Eck and I plan on running the steps under the influence...video to follow. Alas, I digress. Our flight proceeds to an establishment in Old Town phillie with aforementioned friendlies; drinks, of course, are had, I burn my thumb, and make out with one of the friendlies, at the bar and her apartment afterword. Now at our bingo, our flight of four rtbs ( returns to base) and ties the jet down at 0455 local, 30 Jan. Approximate elapsed time from T 2 the double D's arrival in theatre to assault landing troops (ie the Lewis and Clark expeditionary force) into a bare "landing strip?" 28 hours.

Jersey might not be so bad. Phillie, especially come Sunday, seems to be a rocking town.
E!-A!-G!-L!-E!-S! EAGLES!!! Go BIRDS!

T2theDoubleD

"T's Jumbo: Long'n'heavy, slow'n'steady. Where d'ya want it?"